How Pepsi and Coke Work

Pepsi and Coke:  A popular engine degreaser.  Also a common non-alcoholic (generally) drink in the U.S.  Like coffee, this one tastes better outside the U.S.  These are usually crammed into bottles or metal cans.

Why you need to know this:  If you live in the U.S. this info is very important because once you're child becomes 3 years old, he/she will be raised on one or both of these products exclusively.  It is important to know the many uses of this product.

This one came to me from a reader's request (and no it wasn't a relative feeling sorry that nobody emails me).  Pepsi and Coke are drinks that are made up of 4 main ingredients, high fructose corn syrup, sugar, coloring, and fizzy water.  They do add small amounts of flavor enhanced chemicals if they can get some cheap from the guy on the corner, but it still mostly sugar.   If you're lucky enough to try some Pepsi or Coke, say, from Mexico, you'll notice it's made from ACTUAL sugar instead of HFCS.  Another fun fact is that Coke used to actually have cocaine in it.  You can still find this Classic flavor in parts of South America.  

These beverages are typically considered "transistion drugs".  Like huffing hair spray or eating glue, it leads to harder drugs.  Pepsi and Coke now have only two main drugs in them (3 if you live in South America), caffeine and fun.   Both of these are highly addictive and can lead to harder beverages like beer and vokda which replace the caffeine with alcohol and have higher doses of fun.  Most people say "it's no big deal.  I can stop anytime I want to." but everyone knows they can't.  They gotta suck their aluminum cans dry.  

The newest use of these products comes in the form of Diet Coke and Mentos (The Freshmaker!).  If you're on the internet, and not completely retarded, you've seen one of these videos before.  It's a shame to have all that perfectly fine Mentos go to waste.   Either way, America (North or South) wouldn't be the same without these engine degreasers!  Btw, Coke tastes better.

How Coffee Works

Coffee: A popular drink in the U.S. made from brewing seeds (beans) from the coffee plant. It's particularly rampant in the working world as a drink that "wakes you up" since 46% of Americans sleeps during work.

Why you need to know this: You can easily impress your Starbuck's friends by telling them this while they're drinking their non-dairy, non-sugar, 4-shot, half-whip, espresso macchiato with caramel. You may possibly fool some of the gullible ones into thinking you actually know facts

Coffee is a drink known to have gobs of the stimulant drug, caffeine. Many people take the seriousness of this drug lightly, and they should. The lethal limit of caffeine is quite high compared to other "hip" drugs going around these days. Coffee also has a horrible taste that has to be saturated with a large amount of milk and sugar to make it taste good. The sugar adds to the effect of the caffeine. These two combined is what gives people that feeling like they could outrun a small fuel-efficient car while recording their half-finished novel on a micro cassette recorder. Many critics like to point out that people "crash" shortly after because the drug/sugar high wears off. This is true but only for the people who feel they must do stuff on this high. Coffee energy can be moderated just like alcohol. You don't go drinking 12 cases of beer and expect that the average person isn't going to crash. So don't use your 12 cup supply of coffee energy in one big wasteful spurt of constructive activities or the coffee critics are going to be using you as their main example. Budget your coffee energy by doing just as much work as you were before you had the coffee. This way you can have your coffee high last all day!
Coffee also gives your teeth a healthy brown tint which is a highly desirable trait in courting rituals of certain African tribes. If that isn't your thing (You swinger, you!) you can just use a pea-sized dab of toothpaste and 2 minutes later it's gone! I have found that a bottleful of Coke brand cola will also take this brown tint away along with the first layer of enamel to bring out the bright white enamel behind it.
In conclusion, coffee has won the hearts of many Americans along with their blood pressure levels. Look for many varieties of this beverage at your nearest petrol station, food store, or look for the rare combination entitled "Rocket Fuel" which is exclusively produced by my friend Steve. This "Rocket Fuel" can occasionally be found in the syrup isle of some grocery stores.